After this question has been burning in my mind for the past few months now, I finally gave in and decided to ask Michael for their perspective on it:

[Brian_W]: Lately I've started to notice certain traits and patterns emerging, be it from what you have mentioned in the strengths and weaknesses workshops and level of self-karma burnt at this young of chronological age, to various personality profiles I've done on myself, to numerology, to influences in my life, be it from imprinting in this life or past life influences, and while they certainly excite me as to what may come many years later in this personality's future, I am curious, and I'm not sure if you can answer this but I am hoping for some insight. Where is all of this going and why is it starting at such a young chronlogical age? Am I letting my ego and desire to teach, help, heal, inspire and understand run amok on my imagination, or is there something truly there down the road that I can sense, but not yet see clearly? Some explanation for what feels like accelerated growth, beyond normal growth?

[MEntity_] In response to your second question, Brian - you are still waking up into this life, and as you awaken, grand possibilities will come into your awareness about who and what you are and may be. Those possibilities, from the most-extreme to the simplest, are yours.

[MEntity_] As you wake up, the grand possibilities are then met with the art of choice. As you make your choices, your grand possibilities then come to be refined and narrowed down, not only to what you actually might prefer, but to match your inner and outer foundations of skill, creativity, experiences, etc.

[MEntity_] In other words, just as you are now a product of choices made on some level, you begin to become a product of your own choices from a conscious level.

[Brian_W] I guess from my point of view, I see these patterns emerging, but I'm not sure how to cultivate them yet to make them useful, for myself and others

[MEntity_] Currently, "you" are a mix of a product of your Essence's choices, and the influential choices of others, with your own in there as best you could. As you grow in a life, choices of Essence and of others begins to wane, and you begin to make the choices.

[MEntity_] For those who do not wake up, "choices" equate "reactions." For those who wake up, Choices become rather powerful and empowering Actions.

[MEntity_] It is not unusual for older souls to wake up early in the life.

[Brian_W] So essence doesn't have some plan or wishes that requires me to wake early? I'm missing something here, just ... not sure what, like its just out of my reach

[MEntity_] Starting the 4th Internal Monad "early" often means that one is quite conscious of a passion early in the life.

[Brian_W] teaching is the only one that comes immediately to mind

[MEntity_] Brian, as the soul ages, so does the awakening process within a lifetime accelerate.

[MEntity_] For those fragments who wish to wake up early, the First, Second, and Third Internal Monads are usually wrought with pain and challenges, as this prompts a self-awareness that is not easy to find in lifetimes where one eases into the life without challenge.

[Brian_W] Yes... I've recently started the idea of embracing those challenges that help me grow

[MEntity_] When we said that one might be quite conscious of a passion, it does not mean that one has the medium for that passion clarified. Teaching would be a medium. What you teach would be the passion.

[MEntity_] In your case, if we were to put into words what we see as your passion, it would be your deep desire to be meaningful. You are profoundly moved in a direction that means you make a difference. What that meaning and difference will be, is up to you, but your passion is there.

[MEntity_] It has always been there.

[Brian_W] I see what you mean. Its the implementation that is confusing me, but therein lies choice and creativity within the life to allow for it

[MEntity_] And it has led you into overstepping boundaries, self-criticism, frustration, etc. but as you refine your capacity to choose, which means the choices internally as well as externally, you also begin to find your medium for your passion.

[MEntity_] It could be said that you have been carrying the weight of fuel for a long time, and you only recently realized that it needs a vehicle. Now you search for the vehicle that will be powered by your fuel of passion.

[MEntity_] Many of your missteps or disappointments in your past, as you may see them, were that you were sharing your fuel with no vehicle, or your passion without a medium, and this can be confusing.

[MEntity_] As you refine your art of choice, which has now started being practiced in the context of your perception, you will refine your path to a vehicle that is "right" for you.

[MEntity_] No one will assign that to you.

[MEntity_] No one will tell you what that is.

[MEntity_] No one will give you a shortcut to it.

[MEntity_] It is your right to create it, or discover it.

At this stage in life, this has come back to hurt me in the sense that the stronger emotions of others tend to resonant within me, ranging from resentment to hurt, betrayal and grief and loss, to extreme joy and excitement and love. I've found that while I do experience many of these on my own, I can also experience them as a third-party, simply through observing others without being noticed, participating without engaging. The depth and intensity of my emotions and at this stage in life, reactions to them, never ceases to amaze me, even when they are overpowering me. I just haven't yet figured out how to control my reactions to them

The past month or so, I've been attempting to look back and come to not just accept the challenges and struggles in life, but to embrace them. I had posted something on my facebook the other night that hopefully requires no explanation, but I will offer one as I enjoy interpreting these quotes:

"May your problems come to you as a calm stream"

Problems and challenges are a part of life. Without them, we would remain stagnant, we would never learn, never grow. Some lessons, obviously, are more painful than others, more is sacrificed in learning the lesson than you had anticipated. Others can be gentle reminders, asking us to not forget  the lessons we have already learned but forgotten along the way. Regardless of the type of lesson, they help us to learn and to grow as individuals. Each challenge in life gives us an opportunity to try again, to consider a new approach of working with the challenge. However, if these challenges come to us with the power and speed of a tsunami, we get thrashed about, injured and left feeling hurt, when all it might have been trying to tell us was to live further from the shore or higher up on a hill. Unlike a tsunami, which is actually a quite rare event for a single geographic location, a calm stream is always flowing in a direction, slowly shaping us with its fluid motion while allowing us to stand firm. 

In this way, we are always learning as the challenges are constant, but manageable, allowing us to absorb the negative effects of the lesson while still being able to understand meaning behind them.

The phrase which stuck out most to me from tonight's session,

[MEntity_] In your case, if we were to put into words what we see as your passion, it would be your deep desire to be meaningful. You are profoundly moved in a direction that means you make a difference. What that meaning and difference will be, is up to you, but your passion is there.

When I had first received my Trues, I could immediately pick out those which I knew to be true. My life task, "to comprehend intimacy," my True Play: "pondering possibilities; questioning; sharing perspectives," and my True Study: "the impact and power of choice; the dynamics of intimacy; emotional history (personal stories/biographies)."

For me, there has always been that search for the deeper meaning, often resulting in searching for meaning when at times, an apple is just an apple. The True Play allows me to keep that search light-hearted, playful and innocent. It isn't too terribly taxing on me. What is draining, however, is that "impact and power of choice" and "the dynamics of intimacy." I love teaching, I love helping and guiding others to bridge divides, to act as a mediator by seeing things from all perspectives and then creatively attempting to find a solution that will satisfy all parties. Ofcourse, in certain circles of the world, that is dangerous, as they don't want a solution to satisfy all parties, they want a solution that benefits them and them only. That just isn't my way.

The passion for seeking deeper meaning in life has been there for many, many years now. For me, it is a means by which to truly understand others, to understand their background, where they come from, why they think the way they do, how might I better be able to interface with them. And yet it is play for me to do so, where I truly enjoy doing it as it brings me satisfaction that with each experience, I am moving closer and closer to .... something. Of what, I do not yet know.

I see the many problems of the world and besides those in which greed and power are involved, many are simply caused by mis-communications, misunderstandings, or simply not being able to see outside of themselves. Yes, I am certainly guilty of this myself and I am working on it, albeit slowly. But I want to make that difference, I want to try to build bridges between worlds, to truly create something on a global scale that will help each of us to live just slightly better with ourselves and our neighbors, to take pause and consider one's opponent as not their opponent, but themselves in another body. I see this and feel this in my imagination, my intuitions and my dreams. I can see this becoming a reality as I watch the facets of my life slowly turn on and grow individually, I'm just not sure how to piece it together to become the benevolent force that changes the world a little for the better.

As Michael said, the fuel is most certainly there. The passion, desire, and raw creative ability is there, I can sense them. I just need to figure out a way...  It is indeed a journey of discovery, both of myself and others. There are no right or wrong answers and there is only my own sense of ethics and morality to guide me. In time, I will learn to trust my own compass while allowing the room for the compasses of others as well.

In the meantime, I must be patient and work through my own challenges so that I may grow and blossom into a beautiful flower among a field of wildflowers.