Why are people who are self deprecating often times attractive?!

Im always shocked when i look at pictures of people with self deprecation as one of their chief features, because in my mind they are so lovely why would they want to put themselves down all the time? Its always really surprising to me.

Views: 235

Public Wall

You need to be a member of The Michael Teachings to add comments!

Join The Michael Teachings

Comment by Violet McFarland on June 14, 2014 at 3:04am

Thank you everyone for the informative answers. Interesting points were made.

Comment by Sarah on June 13, 2014 at 5:10pm

LOL...  If only.  (I have double Self Deprecation, and I catch myself acting like it all the time!)

I don't know if people with this CF are actually more attractive, physically or otherwise.  Part of it may be cultural.  We've been trained to view self-deprecation and humility as positive things, and arrogance and overconfidence as negative things.  So that may be part of it...

Comment by Anna Yusim on June 11, 2014 at 11:42pm

I don't think its about physical attractiveness and agree with others saying they see themselves  in distorted ways 

Comment by Jana on June 11, 2014 at 4:30am

Chief features are not rational or objective. (And neither is evaluation of someone's attractiveness). They are defenses, ways of automatically reacting to perceive threats, which may actually be ordinary experiences of life, experienced by everybody. In case of self-dep, this ordinary and common experience is a feeling of inadequacy. Absolutely everyone experiences inadequacy every now and then.

And it does not matter who they are, how attractive or accomplished they are. Self-dep person, when feeling inadequate, will typically react by putting themselves down (before anyone else can). "Yes, I know I am inadequate, see how aware of it I am". So it isn’t that a person who does not have Self-dep might not feel just as inadequate at times. They are just less likely to deal with it that way. Arrogance person, for example, will put someone else down instead (even if that is just silently in their head). But the underlying reason is still a comparison. The Arrogance person is also feeling inadequate at the end of the day but hides this, often even from themselves, and processes it quite differently and finds a different trait to compare on to turn it into an attack on someone else. Of course there are primary and secondary CFs, and one might have both Self-dep and Arrogance.

The other CFs are not directly concerned with self-esteem in this way.

People with Self-dep do not just feel bad about themselves at all times. Chief features are automatic defence responses to the related fear (in this case fear of not being enough). Luckily it’s not something (in most people) that will be full on 24/7 :) So unless the CF is very strong, they do not put themselves down all the time. The strength of the CF would then be related to how many ordinary situations in one’s life one perceives as threatening/triggering and how automatically they react to this.

Comment by ViP on June 10, 2014 at 11:21pm

By the way, I think I was manifesting some Arrogance when I wrote that reply below. The irony! I'm leaving it there for science.

Comment by ViP on June 10, 2014 at 10:52pm

@tkmppi - I meant that a person can have conditions inflicted upon them that can result in a CF taking root as defense. Sorry I wasn't clearer about that.

From my own Chief Feature report,

This fragment appears to have developed the Primary Chief Negative Feature around the age of 12 when the experience of shame was truly comprehended. This would appear to have been related to the sharing of a “secret” that was shared beyond the limited circle of trust.

I have my own ideas as to what this might have been, but it seems clear enough from this that a CF can be engendered by a single pivotal experience. It's easy to accept that it could then become pervasive across many areas of the life as common ground is thought to be found for the same means of imagined defence to be used in an increasingly wide range of situations. However, it seems like one pivotal experience or set of experiences is enough to set it in motion to begin with, which I think being judged on looks in high school could possibly do.

(Not implying that that is what my own CF report was alluding to  ;-)   )

Comment by Nick F on June 10, 2014 at 11:50am
Good thread Violet. As one with Self Deprecation as primary, and Arrogance as secondary, I found the description by Maureen quite accurate. What helps me now is recognizing when a CF is manifesting. An awareness of this seems to happen more quickly nowadays thankfully.
Comment by Violet McFarland on June 10, 2014 at 2:33am

I see. I understand they feel bad about all areas not just appearance.

Comment by Maureen on June 10, 2014 at 2:22am


This sentence should have read: "Both have a distorted view of how they see themselves and others and can create havoc in every area of their life." 

Grammar does make a difference  :)

Comment by tkmppi on June 10, 2014 at 1:22am

You can't 'inflict' a CF on anyone.







PLEASE CONSIDER A DONATION to help keep services alive and low-fee, and to keep your resident host and channel alive and well! THANK YOU SO MUCH! This is my only source of income, so I have to do a bit of humble groveling and ask for your support. Thank you!

© 2014   Created by TROY.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service