The Michael Teachings
using your Truth Love Energy to learn how to choose, and to choose how to learn
Quitting smoking!!
Well, I am into my 6th day without any form of nicotine in my system....challenging but I'm committed to doing this, not just now, or for a back sugery (which I'll get into in a minute) but because I want MORE INSPIRATION AND LIFE FORCE into my system! YEAH!!!!!!!!
Ok, I'll admit-I NEEDED to quit smoking because I now, absolutely need a major back surgery and I actually have needed it since 2007 but I wasn't ready to have it then-and I was told that I needed to be nicotine free for at least 30 days before this surgery. Well, having had 2 prior back sugeries and never being told I needed to quit, I was a bit astounded to hear the news. I thought I could wait on the surgery and this neurosurgeon assured me that indeed, I could wait. It would just be a matter of time and when the pain gets bad enuf, then I'll be more "ready". How do you ever get ready for a big rod placed up your back??? WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENUF OF PAIN, SUFFERING AND A VERY LIMITED LIFE.
First of all, I am a warrior and warriors get used to battle wounds, pain, discomfort, etc. I'm no exception, thanks to inheritance of my warrior father's body type (Mars) but also that stupid warrior mentality that assumes an attitude of arrogance to think "we can hadle anything"!!!!!! ARRGGHHHH!!!!!! I hate that but gotta love it at the same time.......because with cigarettes I could employ a rather self-destructive method of pacifying unmet needs, putting up that smoke-screen to really seeing what is WHAT in my life and instituting some major changes. The energies around me couldn't be more supportive but I still have to do the work.
I've noticed that warriors tend to be the ones that smoke or have smoked alot in their lives. I've also noticed servers run a close second to warriors on that, but they tend to be more "closeted" about it. GOD FORBID THAT THE WORLD SEES THEM ENGAGING IN SUCH A VILE HABIT!!!!!! I've noticed though, that warriors and servers often work in tandem and both have major tendencies of denying themselves the awareness of where they might be taken advantage of (esp. if they have an attitude of idealist) or more acutely, smoking fulfills the false personality to continue engaging in self-deprecative behaviors.
Smoking feeds guilt and shame and now especially-how smokers are relagated to freeze outside to smoke or they are now considered to be social outcasts of sorts. I thought of myself as "just rebellious" and almost prided myself on non-conformity....I hate conforming and I sure as hell wasn't gonna conform to what everybody wanted of me-esp. because it was my way of keeping "my voice", and not get pushed around by others. (An acute and chronic reaction to being pushed around by others in still unseen "other ways"!!) The psychology around this thinking indeed seems warped, but at the time-I wasn't ready to embrace MORE OF LIFE. Life felt overwhelming to me.
I have been dealing with chronic back problems and pain for 6 yrs. now. Longer if you count my first surgery, back in '92. But as stated previously, I've bounced back up fairly quickly. But, this surgery that is needed is NOT going to magically take all the pain away but it will provide needed stability and hopefully deal with the nerve pain issues I have. Smoking has been one of my most highly regarded pain mgt. tools to date!!! YIKES!!!!!!!! That is not good. There is very little circulatory tissue in the lower back and thus, it is not an area that gets needed oxygen-rich blood from muscle tissue, as it is mostly fascia (connective tissue) and smoking robs the area of any /all healing abilities
because of this. Surgery or not, the lower back cannot heal properly if it is chronically robbed of oxygen and other nutrients.
I did quit 10 days after my 1st surgery, for maybe a good 6 mos. or more. I seemed to dabble back and forth with smoking all my life, but in the 90's I was actively involved in much more health enhancing techniques and looking at this back problem issue from every angle. I was trained in and received extensive myofascial release, along with other forms of bodywork, energywork, etc. I embarked on a serious whole-foods nutritional program and a rather labor-entensive practice of cooking in newer, healthier ways, juicing, etc. Smoking, of course was not part of this regimen and even if I did slip-I could easily quit with a weekend cleasing program. I did other things for my health too-fasting, meditation, buying and using supplements and even becoming a distributor. I was really on the path all right!! Occupational therapist working in nursing homes (YUCK!!) by day, and being "the healer" by night with private clients I saw at home.
In looking back at that time, I could also play pretty hard, and loving all the earthy sensual things in life-I could overdo. I also saw though, that I could overdo this "health kick" and I could become QUITE dogmatic towards others and my being in aggression mode, well dogmatic rhetoric coming from me was not always received well. (ya think???????) I felt though, like this shining example, as I had lost weight, had a pretty good, toned body and I gave up not-so-healthy habits. Plus, I was living in San Diego at the time and I thought this was the health-food capital of the world!!!! WRONG.
Back in the 90's, the media had not gone public with all of these health-tip eating awarenesses. For example, trans-fats in foods and products like margarine became knowledgeable to someone like me, who was studying whole-foods nutritional counseling at a massage school in SD. So, armed with all these interesting but not-yet-mainstream nutritional tips, I was really wanting to educate people-and, being as I was already working in the health-care industry, what a perfect place for this platform!!! WRONG AGAIN-nobody wanted to hear it, believe it or change. I was the idiot.
It was frustrating, to say the least. I admit, I get discouraged easily. I have tended to always be "ahead of my time" all my life, with little support from my baby and young-souled family. Actually, I was down-right odd at the time-healthy though. And, I really had NO AWARENESS in my conscious brain that indeed, another back surgery (this time a 2nd) was gonna come down the pike-I had been on such a mission of healing that I didn't prop myself up enuf, and propping up my self esteem by myself already proved disasterous. So, I slowly stopped my crusading, kept myself 'BOTTLED UP' and slowly found myself giving way to false personality that confirmed I wasn't good enuf.
What bull shit that is!!!!!! Man, I tell ya, I've bought into so many lies from others (and mostly from my own head) that tell me I'm no good, not enuf, not good enuf, etc. etc. Its helped feed the smoking habit, and its helped create this astounding back problem that I have now. I'll admit-if I could move around better I am sure it would take me longer to get this, as I have often gotten lost in activity.......but a MAJOR, MAJOR thing has happened to some friends of mine, and one of those I'd like to put quotes around the term friend as, it turned out she was a lying, shrewd criminal and I never knew it. The other friend is having major revelations re: what can happen if you don't stop the train of self-delusion and start speaking your truth, regardless of consequences.
This "thing" that happened is too personal to share here, but I see how much I've had in common with this friend who continually didn't act upon his own truth, his own "knowings" and remained in a very uncomfortable situation till either he was gonna have a serious heart attack or something.....so, he did "something" but the hesitation on what to do first felt completely overwhelming. I was getting hooked into the drama (and believe me, there's alot there and its very compelling) but I knew it wasn't just getting hooked in, SOMETHING MAJOR was speaking to me and after several meditations, realized that truth telling can be so hard, but if you don't-OMG!!!
I believe my back problem stems from a lifetime of giving up my own truth and giving in, caving in, giving up but then trying hard to compensate for this (arrogance) by taking on way more than one person should handle, all because I was beating myself up for not being strong and forthcoming with things that would've made life "uncomfortable" had I acted upon them. Anotherwords, acting from my essence rather than false personality. Smoking allowed me to escape the charades by clouding my awareness.
So, yes-after this kind of sharing a cigarette would normally fit right in.....but I won't. Instead, I''ll breathe. Deeply. And continue on this path of transparency-besides, I along with many others called in this greater sense of transparency, not only with our government but most importantly-with ourselves. I'm lettin' out that wild Natural Woman inside, as she's slumbered long enuf!! But, slow and steady, not with belligerent craziness.
C-ya next time!!
Ok, I'll admit-I NEEDED to quit smoking because I now, absolutely need a major back surgery and I actually have needed it since 2007 but I wasn't ready to have it then-and I was told that I needed to be nicotine free for at least 30 days before this surgery. Well, having had 2 prior back sugeries and never being told I needed to quit, I was a bit astounded to hear the news. I thought I could wait on the surgery and this neurosurgeon assured me that indeed, I could wait. It would just be a matter of time and when the pain gets bad enuf, then I'll be more "ready". How do you ever get ready for a big rod placed up your back??? WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENUF OF PAIN, SUFFERING AND A VERY LIMITED LIFE.
First of all, I am a warrior and warriors get used to battle wounds, pain, discomfort, etc. I'm no exception, thanks to inheritance of my warrior father's body type (Mars) but also that stupid warrior mentality that assumes an attitude of arrogance to think "we can hadle anything"!!!!!! ARRGGHHHH!!!!!! I hate that but gotta love it at the same time.......because with cigarettes I could employ a rather self-destructive method of pacifying unmet needs, putting up that smoke-screen to really seeing what is WHAT in my life and instituting some major changes. The energies around me couldn't be more supportive but I still have to do the work.
I've noticed that warriors tend to be the ones that smoke or have smoked alot in their lives. I've also noticed servers run a close second to warriors on that, but they tend to be more "closeted" about it. GOD FORBID THAT THE WORLD SEES THEM ENGAGING IN SUCH A VILE HABIT!!!!!! I've noticed though, that warriors and servers often work in tandem and both have major tendencies of denying themselves the awareness of where they might be taken advantage of (esp. if they have an attitude of idealist) or more acutely, smoking fulfills the false personality to continue engaging in self-deprecative behaviors.
Smoking feeds guilt and shame and now especially-how smokers are relagated to freeze outside to smoke or they are now considered to be social outcasts of sorts. I thought of myself as "just rebellious" and almost prided myself on non-conformity....I hate conforming and I sure as hell wasn't gonna conform to what everybody wanted of me-esp. because it was my way of keeping "my voice", and not get pushed around by others. (An acute and chronic reaction to being pushed around by others in still unseen "other ways"!!) The psychology around this thinking indeed seems warped, but at the time-I wasn't ready to embrace MORE OF LIFE. Life felt overwhelming to me.
I have been dealing with chronic back problems and pain for 6 yrs. now. Longer if you count my first surgery, back in '92. But as stated previously, I've bounced back up fairly quickly. But, this surgery that is needed is NOT going to magically take all the pain away but it will provide needed stability and hopefully deal with the nerve pain issues I have. Smoking has been one of my most highly regarded pain mgt. tools to date!!! YIKES!!!!!!!! That is not good. There is very little circulatory tissue in the lower back and thus, it is not an area that gets needed oxygen-rich blood from muscle tissue, as it is mostly fascia (connective tissue) and smoking robs the area of any /all healing abilities
because of this. Surgery or not, the lower back cannot heal properly if it is chronically robbed of oxygen and other nutrients.
I did quit 10 days after my 1st surgery, for maybe a good 6 mos. or more. I seemed to dabble back and forth with smoking all my life, but in the 90's I was actively involved in much more health enhancing techniques and looking at this back problem issue from every angle. I was trained in and received extensive myofascial release, along with other forms of bodywork, energywork, etc. I embarked on a serious whole-foods nutritional program and a rather labor-entensive practice of cooking in newer, healthier ways, juicing, etc. Smoking, of course was not part of this regimen and even if I did slip-I could easily quit with a weekend cleasing program. I did other things for my health too-fasting, meditation, buying and using supplements and even becoming a distributor. I was really on the path all right!! Occupational therapist working in nursing homes (YUCK!!) by day, and being "the healer" by night with private clients I saw at home.
In looking back at that time, I could also play pretty hard, and loving all the earthy sensual things in life-I could overdo. I also saw though, that I could overdo this "health kick" and I could become QUITE dogmatic towards others and my being in aggression mode, well dogmatic rhetoric coming from me was not always received well. (ya think???????) I felt though, like this shining example, as I had lost weight, had a pretty good, toned body and I gave up not-so-healthy habits. Plus, I was living in San Diego at the time and I thought this was the health-food capital of the world!!!! WRONG.
Back in the 90's, the media had not gone public with all of these health-tip eating awarenesses. For example, trans-fats in foods and products like margarine became knowledgeable to someone like me, who was studying whole-foods nutritional counseling at a massage school in SD. So, armed with all these interesting but not-yet-mainstream nutritional tips, I was really wanting to educate people-and, being as I was already working in the health-care industry, what a perfect place for this platform!!! WRONG AGAIN-nobody wanted to hear it, believe it or change. I was the idiot.
It was frustrating, to say the least. I admit, I get discouraged easily. I have tended to always be "ahead of my time" all my life, with little support from my baby and young-souled family. Actually, I was down-right odd at the time-healthy though. And, I really had NO AWARENESS in my conscious brain that indeed, another back surgery (this time a 2nd) was gonna come down the pike-I had been on such a mission of healing that I didn't prop myself up enuf, and propping up my self esteem by myself already proved disasterous. So, I slowly stopped my crusading, kept myself 'BOTTLED UP' and slowly found myself giving way to false personality that confirmed I wasn't good enuf.
What bull shit that is!!!!!! Man, I tell ya, I've bought into so many lies from others (and mostly from my own head) that tell me I'm no good, not enuf, not good enuf, etc. etc. Its helped feed the smoking habit, and its helped create this astounding back problem that I have now. I'll admit-if I could move around better I am sure it would take me longer to get this, as I have often gotten lost in activity.......but a MAJOR, MAJOR thing has happened to some friends of mine, and one of those I'd like to put quotes around the term friend as, it turned out she was a lying, shrewd criminal and I never knew it. The other friend is having major revelations re: what can happen if you don't stop the train of self-delusion and start speaking your truth, regardless of consequences.
This "thing" that happened is too personal to share here, but I see how much I've had in common with this friend who continually didn't act upon his own truth, his own "knowings" and remained in a very uncomfortable situation till either he was gonna have a serious heart attack or something.....so, he did "something" but the hesitation on what to do first felt completely overwhelming. I was getting hooked into the drama (and believe me, there's alot there and its very compelling) but I knew it wasn't just getting hooked in, SOMETHING MAJOR was speaking to me and after several meditations, realized that truth telling can be so hard, but if you don't-OMG!!!
I believe my back problem stems from a lifetime of giving up my own truth and giving in, caving in, giving up but then trying hard to compensate for this (arrogance) by taking on way more than one person should handle, all because I was beating myself up for not being strong and forthcoming with things that would've made life "uncomfortable" had I acted upon them. Anotherwords, acting from my essence rather than false personality. Smoking allowed me to escape the charades by clouding my awareness.
So, yes-after this kind of sharing a cigarette would normally fit right in.....but I won't. Instead, I''ll breathe. Deeply. And continue on this path of transparency-besides, I along with many others called in this greater sense of transparency, not only with our government but most importantly-with ourselves. I'm lettin' out that wild Natural Woman inside, as she's slumbered long enuf!! But, slow and steady, not with belligerent craziness.
C-ya next time!!
Public Wall
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Comment by Mari Lynn Young on May 2, 2011 at 11:55am -
Hi there!!!
SOOOO GREAT to "hear" from you, my dear!!!
You know, smoking has been an up and down thing with me...yes, yes, even after COMPLETELY quitting for over a year....even during that year I would have an occasional drag or 2.....but a couple of months ago, given all the raging anger I was having with the political climate, and my own personal frsutrations (over what now, I don't recall!) I starting smoking again with fury and abandon!! I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT afford to smoke, given my back problem. So, I have re-started with the "magic pill" of CHANTIX and it helps immensely with cravings. I cannot tell a lie; I am not completely smoke-free but I certainly am moving in that direction and, I am giving myself this month of May to work on excavating those internal fears/frustrations/etc. to let go of the smokes from a deeper place....as I am much more physically fit now and dropped all the weight I had gained pre-back surg.
Glad to know you are smoke free!!! I am planning on going to a spiritual retreat in a few weeks, that will be like a mini rebirthing/breathwork extravaganza.....definitely want to be smoke free by then, if not before.
Again, so glad you posted and, I had not realized just how long this blog was!!!
Love to ya Susan and keep on posting, I've missed you, and your commas....:)))
xoxoxox~Mari Lynn
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Comment by SUSAN on May 2, 2011 at 4:40am -
i forgot how to sign on here; now i'm back ;)
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Comment by SUSAN on May 2, 2011 at 4:39am
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how is the NOT smoking going ???
i've been free of the sticks, now, for over 2 months
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Comment by Mari Lynn Young on August 16, 2009 at 6:00pm
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woops
QUIT!!
~ML
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Comment by Mari Lynn Young on August 16, 2009 at 5:59pm
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WOW SUSAN-CONGRATS ON THE WEIGHT LOSS!!! The weight you lost-I have found it....hahahahaa....but, I read yesterday that the weight gain that women get (esp. if they've previously been "thin" or "lean" like I have) will gain some as the body's way of storing estrogen!! So, I am trying to BLESS my body rather than condemn it.
But-absolutely-I would agree 100% that smoking is trying to fill a heart wound...very interesting! That is why I think it is so important to bless ourselves and to honor ourselves, no matter what stage we are in with quitting and even if we think we are
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Comment by SUSAN on August 16, 2009 at 4:50pm
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mari lynn, i am so pleased, that you have stayed non-smoking,
i quit, started again, i quit, started again,
and, a month ago, i quit again !!!
so far, so good
i also discovered, that smoking likely files a hole where the heart should be
and, i have lost 56 lbs; and; 26% body fat - since, the beginning of 2009
now, i am on the final leg of losing - i hope to lose about 12 more lbs, and,
put back 8 of that, in the way of muscles :)
i feel, i am on the road, to finding my "earth heart" -- not sure, if there are easy ways to find it
i did discover, the last time, i quit - that i smoked to fill a hole within me,
not sure, if that comment is helpful to anyone
however, it certainly, has helped me
there are a lot of good things written into this thread, thanks for starting it,
and, congratulations on staying "smoke-free"
i think "smoke" maybe has been used for centuries on planet earth-but, without all the addicting chemicals ?
anyway--brightest blessings of energy, light and love to you /and, everyone else on the thread
love/susan
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Comment by Mari Lynn Young on August 16, 2009 at 4:15pm
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WOOPS!!!!!!
I once again, pressed the wrong key!
No, what I really wanted to say was hurray for you that you listened to your own gut, your own timing and most importantly-it sounds too, like you did NOT MAKE YOURSELF WRONG, BEAT YOURSELF UP for honoring your process around it all. And even if you did in fact, do the above-well, I kinda envy you in still smoking!! At least you may be still getting something out of it, and though I still have cravings (for something!) and even when I think for surre its a craving for a cigarette, the craving goes much deeper. Its FULFILLMENT. I am in some ways no better off not smoking but, I am not crawling out of my skin either-due to uncontrollable cravings.
Again though, I will use this platform to say that FOR ME, if I did not use the drug Chantix, I would probably not have been able to quit. But, having said this-I absolutely know that I was ready to quit because I not only needed the surgery and needed to quit for that but bottom line-I ABSOLUTELY RAN OUT OF WAYS FINANCIALLY TO CONTINUE SMOKING!!
Anyway, ramblings on aside, again I will say that smoking and quitting are multi-facetted and remain to be very very personal.
Glad to hear from you Lori, and thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Luv, Mari Lynn
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Comment by Mari Lynn Young on August 16, 2009 at 4:04pm
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Hi Lori!
Pardon me for not responding to your post sooner, lots been going on and also I still have limited ability to sit @ the 'puter.
OK-now to your post-WOW!! You know, I am not surprised, and I'm not at all saying that in any kind of derogatory way towards you and sure hope that you didn't take it that way. But-whenever someone swears that "this or that special something" is going to magically remove said item off the map, I always smell a rat in that kind of inference! I strongly believe if someone has a "new angle" so to speak on an age-old problem, yes it becomes compelling to try it. But smoking is a very very personal thing and frankly-I commend you for listening to your own voice and realizing that it just isn't your time (yet!) to give up the smokes, or as I affectionately referred to them as "smokie treats"!! I absolutely know that if I did nopt have this back surgery and my recovery as reason to give up smoking, I wouls still to this day be smoking. I liked smoking!! Hell, I really even LOVED IT and I miss my relationship I had with it!! But, I know that despite my frequent attempts at getting that same "love experience" back with taking a few hits here and there, cigarettes don't taste the same to me any more. I am not sure other than to think that my brain chemistry has been altered in such a way that they just don't feel "fulfilling" like they did. And, I absolutely DO think that brain chemistry has something to do with it.
For example-we are WIRED with nicotinic reseptors in our brains! Imagine that, we are HARDWIRED to smoke, so to speak. So, why don't the other 200+ million or so Americans that don't smoke go nuts without a cigarette? I think because the other biochemical neurotransmitters (serotonin and dopamine) in the brain and body can more than make up for the supposed lack of nicotine in the body. Ultimately, when you don't have nicotine to STIMULATE the production of those two chemicals, other things can. Smokers have been found to be sorely lacking in the amount those 2 neurotransmitters should be in the so-called "normal" brain. I think I was born "serotonin deficient", based on some theories I've come across.
But, lest this post sound more like a biochemistry lecture than a op=ed on your findings, again, I say
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Comment by Lori Abrams on August 9, 2009 at 7:06pm -
I read the book and did not quit. I think I was ready at one point but it told me to keep smoking. The M's said it was an experience for me but the whole of me wasn't and isn't ready. I got so messed up trying not to take a drag but right after that, my immune system sunk. I still have the burning tongue from the "experience." Still have the book and may pick it up again. Maybe it is going to take me several times to read it? It didn't work for me.
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Comment by Mari Lynn Young on August 5, 2009 at 7:05pm
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Yup!! I started therapy today and though I started it later than expected (I had to wear my back brace on longer than expected too-6 weeks longer) nonetheless, timing is always perfect in the cosmos. Today is a full moon of course and an eclipse as well.
there is a very good article on Jose and Lena Stevens' website (R U familiar with their work? If not, they are M channels too) and their website is www.PowerPathSeminars.com It is a very good time for us to heal the sacred feminine within and send that healing energy out to the world!!
How is the smoking/no smoking thing going?
Nice to hear from you and thanks for asking about me~
~Mari Lynn
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